Billy here, Elf on the Shelf. I hijacked the hot mess’s computer because I just can’t take it anymore. So put your glue guns down, shut down your frantic Pinterest searching and gather round. I’m just going to come right out with it… What exactly are you all doing? Have you forgotten what we are? … Continue reading
Filed under I Declare! …
A Dirty Milkshake
In a day filled with trips to an endless list of stores for everything from food to school supplies, a two-hour break for a tapas lunch with a dear friend and multi-tasking like a bandit, I couldn’t squash my craving for a chocolate milk shake. I needed it. Really, I did. What the hell are … Continue reading
During the course of two hours and one meeting this week, I certainly got a beat down… A gentleman told me… “You look like you have three babies, not one, in that belly.” “Well, isn’t that a very thoughtful and kind comment.” I said as I smiled and walked away. Not long after that, a … Continue reading
Does It Really Make A Difference
It never ceases to amaze me what comes out of people’s mouths. Call me oversensitive or cynical after everything we’ve been through, but at least I own my feelings. I’ve covered a select few of these treasured gems in I Declare! and now after coming clean with my pregnancy and the joy and gift … Continue reading
Recent anonymous reader message… You must be so scared. Aren’t you afraid of dying? Nope. Really. Of course I’d prefer not to, but hell, we’re all dying of something at some point. Death is a part of life. Pretty simple. Based on recent intel, I don’t suspect it’s soon. Confidence is high! I am, however, afraid Paul will still … Continue reading
Why do you get headaches? Did they tell you that you would get headaches? Hum… A piece of skull was removed from my head, brain cut out, skull reattached and my scalp stapled back together. I didn’t ask, I figured headaches were sort of expected. Headaches are like the gift that keeps on giving. Sort … Continue reading
You know there is a cure for cancer, right? There is a Doctor in Europe that has a cure, but your Doctor, Insurance Company and our Government don’t want you to know about it. People are cured all the time. You should check it out. Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
I know someone who had a brain tumor. He died, but I just know you’ll do better and be fine. Hum, does that load of shit come with a 100% satisfaction guarantee?
Wow, you have a full head of hair! Shit! I do? Yes, dumb ass it does grow back.
I declare, my kingdom of readers, that people say some really fascinating things. Trust me. Aside from the good stuff, the funny stuff and just plain silly stuff; there’s the “other” stuff. The shitty stuff, the stupid stuff and the “you can’t possibly be that much of an asshole” stuff. I’ve attempted to approach my quandary (the piece of … Continue reading