I’ve been staring, fingers on the keys and up and walked away; over and over for days. this is… not easy. I set forth many months ago to put together a documentary photo project, titled this is… that would tell the visual journey of a patient with brain cancer. Wherever the story would lead my subjects, … Continue reading
We lay face to face in her dimly lit room. Her breath is sweet and blue eyes piercing through me as her hand gently caresses my face. The corners of her lips turn upward into a smile. Barely audible, she speaks. Mommy, I love you. Mommy, you are so beautiful. My heart stops, I hold … Continue reading
Thank you. Let me introduce myself. I am “That Mom”, maybe not the mom you are used to. I am “That Mom”. The one who trusts you and believes in you. “That Mom”; the one who doesn’t need her hand held or reassurance that you are doing the best for Tucker. I’m “That Mom” who … Continue reading
It was a great pace. A fucking awesome pace… I was hauling ass. Paul and I had set out for a run with Harper in the Jogger this afternoon and I took off and didn’t stop to look back. No music. I never run with no music. Only my thoughts and a distinct, almost painful … Continue reading
A monumental event is approaching in our lives, and for so many reasons, it’s hard to believe it’s looming on the horizon. Seven years ago today, a day remarkably similar to today with clear blue skies, heat and humidity, I became a patient. I was 32. At 32 I quietly and privately resolved, against the … Continue reading
With elementary school in the rear view mirror and middle school on the horizon in August, I am struck by the journey we’ve had. We started elementary school together, like I’d imagine most families do; navigating bus schedules, school activities, classroom supply lists, hoping friends would be made and that Tucker would have a zest … Continue reading
You, yes you. You are a troll in Europe, Asia, South America, across the world, in my own country and miles from my front door. I’m addressing you; however I am doubtful you are listening. It was never a conversation you were looking to have. You never intended to have a rational dialogue. With fingers … Continue reading
This journey is hell. I will not portent to speak for all cancer patients. I can only speak for myself. I do not need your sympathy. I would appreciate your compassion. With that said… Sure, go ahead… Post a random post on FB that makes your friends wonder. Change your profile picture, buy a pink … Continue reading
39 two days in the same pajamas a napping, sick, two-year old an only child no shower yet (again) six days before Christmas life a mother of three children tired a history major laughter a brain tumor patient honest a self-portrait transparent a wife & partner grateful contemplating dinner tonight reflective a friend no … Continue reading
I had an MRI Tuesday; a routine, scheduled three-month magical magnetic adventure that’s become a routine event in our lives while simultaneously challenging our emotional and mental stability at every turn. It isn’t easy for anyone and it’s become apparent how challenging it is for the kiddos. They are getting older and have become more … Continue reading
It matters to me that you look at my chart before you walk into the room. I appreciate that you use my name and look me in the eyes. You remember my sense of humor, how many children I have and that I am a writer. I’m a frequent flier MRI patient and you know … Continue reading
I will be honest here. It’s what I have committed to do in my writing and it’s been honesty that has somehow always served to heal. This is a lonely journey and it has been lonely for the past six years. The brain tumor, the piece of shit, the cancer, and the disease… all of … Continue reading
Homemade hamburger buns, organic beef burgers hot off the grill, a heaping bowl of fruit and sides of milk; it was an ordinary Tuesday night dinner. Maybe it’s our new farm table. Maybe it’s how we’ve conceived a new evening routine, eating later and accommodating Paul’s long days. Whatever it is, it’s working. We are more spiritual … Continue reading
GREY MATTER LIFE 