I took a hiatus from writing here at Grey Matter Life that wasn’t planned. We took a 5 week road trip this summer and I wrote about it over here, school started and life has been a little busy to say the least. Writing didn’t happen although I’ve had plenty to say. Just after the … Continue reading
I’ve been staring, fingers on the keys and up and walked away; over and over for days. this is… not easy. I set forth many months ago to put together a documentary photo project, titled this is… that would tell the visual journey of a patient with brain cancer. Wherever the story would lead my subjects, … Continue reading
It was a great pace. A fucking awesome pace… I was hauling ass. Paul and I had set out for a run with Harper in the Jogger this afternoon and I took off and didn’t stop to look back. No music. I never run with no music. Only my thoughts and a distinct, almost painful … Continue reading
A monumental event is approaching in our lives, and for so many reasons, it’s hard to believe it’s looming on the horizon. Seven years ago today, a day remarkably similar to today with clear blue skies, heat and humidity, I became a patient. I was 32. At 32 I quietly and privately resolved, against the … Continue reading
You, yes you. You are a troll in Europe, Asia, South America, across the world, in my own country and miles from my front door. I’m addressing you; however I am doubtful you are listening. It was never a conversation you were looking to have. You never intended to have a rational dialogue. With fingers … Continue reading
39 two days in the same pajamas a napping, sick, two-year old an only child no shower yet (again) six days before Christmas life a mother of three children tired a history major laughter a brain tumor patient honest a self-portrait transparent a wife & partner grateful contemplating dinner tonight reflective a friend no … Continue reading
I had an MRI Tuesday; a routine, scheduled three-month magical magnetic adventure that’s become a routine event in our lives while simultaneously challenging our emotional and mental stability at every turn. It isn’t easy for anyone and it’s become apparent how challenging it is for the kiddos. They are getting older and have become more … Continue reading
It matters to me that you look at my chart before you walk into the room. I appreciate that you use my name and look me in the eyes. You remember my sense of humor, how many children I have and that I am a writer. I’m a frequent flier MRI patient and you know … Continue reading
I will be honest here. It’s what I have committed to do in my writing and it’s been honesty that has somehow always served to heal. This is a lonely journey and it has been lonely for the past six years. The brain tumor, the piece of shit, the cancer, and the disease… all of … Continue reading
Good news today… The Piece of Shit has been behaving itself since we last gave it a look. We are so pleased that it is being so cooperative. My MRI this morning revealed two very important things. One… there has been no tumor growth. Two… my brain is still in there. Whew! What a relief. … Continue reading
Please… Don’t tell us not to worry and don’t tell us it will be fine. Don’t tell us “you just know it will be ok” and don’t tell us not to stress out. Please don’t confuse our anxiety right now with desperation. Our anxiety appreciates your support over your pity. We’ve been down this road, running this fucking MRI marathon, for … Continue reading
A month of anniversaries, life altering events and haunting memories. While the physical and emotional wounds have long ago healed over, they’ve left behind jagged, deep scars. The increasingly hefty serving of gratitude, humility, perspective and mortality gets harder to swallow each year. A month where the weight of our reality is simply difficult to … Continue reading
I remember clear blue skies, warm air and feeling carefree. I remember having no fear. I remember the patients in the waiting room and the litany of questions from the PA as he looked at my scans. I remember feeling ambivalent and wondering why I needed to be there. I remember the surgeon. I remember … Continue reading
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