Just before 9 pm last night, the youngest of our family tore across the dew soaked grass with a sequel into my arms. Tucker followed closely behind and I melted into his lanky broad shoulders as he wrapped himself around me and repeated over and over how much he missed me. Tears welled as Paul … Continue reading
Last night was rough again. Dreams are wild, disconnected from reality and oddly entertaining and so clearly representative of the intensity of my anxiety, stress, exhaustion and healing that is exploding throughout my brain. It is comforting to wake in the middle of the night with Karen sleeping in the bed across from me. A … Continue reading
I’ve finally reached a monumental medication dosage right of passage. I’m down to two a two steroid dose per whatever hours (I’m not supposed to be responsible enough to know all the timing details.” All I know is that the horrid, yet helpful steroids are phasing out and will soon be purged from our daily … Continue reading
Woven through the seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years, decades and moments entwined from our first to last inhalation of life breath, our lives are held together and formed by all those who simply showed up. Strangers, friends, family and every iteration of being between; each showed up before we ever had a conscious understanding … Continue reading
You’ve been warned. My mental mice are currently running very slow on the conveyor belt. Paul left yesterday and arrived home last night in Atlanta. I cannot imagine how excited the kids were to see him… probably the polar opposite of how I felt when he left. between our synced up phone alarms Karen did … Continue reading
Some may say it is unreal to have a craniotomy on a Friday morning, spend 36 hours in ICU and 12 hours in a regular room before you beg to be set free. I say, it’s not unreal.. . I just have my limitations, know my boundaries and also know I cannot get away with … Continue reading
That’s a shit ton of days, weeks, months and years. Actually, it is 10 years and 10 days to be exact. A lot has happened and setting aside some crappy stuff like the economy that tanked, job loss and financial strains, over-all it was pretty damn spectacular. Tuesday felt different, like a cosmic freaky “got … Continue reading
I took a hiatus from writing here at Grey Matter Life that wasn’t planned. We took a 5 week road trip this summer and I wrote about it over here, school started and life has been a little busy to say the least. Writing didn’t happen although I’ve had plenty to say. Just after the … Continue reading
I came to a crossroads a few months ago and had to decide what direction to go. As a family, our goal has always been to keep it simple; centered around what matters and surrounded by those who matter most. Yet, no matter how hard I’ve been pushing and pulling we’re wrapping up another school … Continue reading
I’ve been staring, fingers on the keys and up and walked away; over and over for days. this is… not easy. I set forth many months ago to put together a documentary photo project, titled this is… that would tell the visual journey of a patient with brain cancer. Wherever the story would lead my subjects, … Continue reading
We lay face to face in her dimly lit room. Her breath is sweet and blue eyes piercing through me as her hand gently caresses my face. The corners of her lips turn upward into a smile. Barely audible, she speaks. Mommy, I love you. Mommy, you are so beautiful. My heart stops, I hold … Continue reading
Thank you. Let me introduce myself. I am “That Mom”, maybe not the mom you are used to. I am “That Mom”. The one who trusts you and believes in you. “That Mom”; the one who doesn’t need her hand held or reassurance that you are doing the best for Tucker. I’m “That Mom” who … Continue reading
It was a great pace. A fucking awesome pace… I was hauling ass. Paul and I had set out for a run with Harper in the Jogger this afternoon and I took off and didn’t stop to look back. No music. I never run with no music. Only my thoughts and a distinct, almost painful … Continue reading
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