You, yes you. You are a troll in Europe, Asia, South America, across the world, in my own country and miles from my front door. I’m addressing you; however I am doubtful you are listening.
It was never a conversation you were looking to have.
You never intended to have a rational dialogue.
With fingers raw with anger as you hunt and peck letters on your keyboard, I have heard you for years.
Anonymous, vague usernames and boldly emblazoned with what I imagine are your real names, you appear to have taken significant effort in compiling your messages.
It must be awesome living in your world. Being you must be very fulfilling and rewarding and I can only imagine the envy of those around you. I’m curious how you balance it all? How is that you have become an authority on so, so much?
Are you a parent? Are you a cancer patient? Do you have a brain tumor? Do you run a business? Are you married? Do you advocate for others? Are you a writer? How about a photographer? Do you carve out time to support others? Do you listen? Do you have a sense of humor?
I assume you are all of the above since you’ve read my blog and have so frequently commented.
I assume you understand that I have become a stronger, more resilient person because of you. Thank YOU. Thank you.
You have told me so much, and it has all made a difference. I think others may benefit from the wisdom you shared with me; you know all the wisdom that made me stronger and more resilient. This kind of wisdom, your kind of wisdom…
I’m selfish. I don’t like my children. I am wasting time volunteering at the hospital with strangers.
I should be in clinical trials. I should be treated at a different hospital. I need different doctors. I should not have had surgery. I am stupid for not electing to have radiation.
I should just die. I’m a bitch.
I did not deserve to have Harper. I should not have had Harper. I had Harper for media attention. I am stupid.
My children deserve better. I don’t deserve respect. I make risky decisions. I make selfish decisions.
I have a limited time to live. I don’t like spending time with my children. Nobody likes me.
It may be difficult to understand, after all, you clearly put such effort into each and every message you sent, however, I deleted them.
I deleted each and every of your genuinely hateful, hurtful, and ignorant, misinformed and misplaced comments and messages.
Try not to get angry. As ugly and hate filled as they each were, your messages did have an impact, albeit likely not the impact you were hoping for.
As exhausted as I am by your ignorance and hate, I am thriving and LIVING with an inner fire in all aspects of my life. A life you very clearly know nothing about.
I never asked you for advice, input, your suggestions or observations. You are certainly welcome to respectfully disagree with anything, but let’s be clear; you have zero impact on how I live and what I do. I OWN that and it’s not negotiable.
So, while I am pretty sure you are not listening. I have one final message.
Fuck you, thank you and my delete button still works.
Obviously, whomever is sending those hateful messages must have an awfully empty life. As I read your blog posts, I am in awe of the strong person you are..you are incredible! Keep up the hard work!
Not much shocks me anymore. But if someone has sent you those messages, that is shocking and pitiful. Great response.
Ron… Not much shocks me either but a lot still disappoints me. Hope you are well and stable!
Oh, dearest Jen….I had no idea you were still receiving such “assholic” ( I love this word!) comments. I am sooo sorry. It just confirms my opinion there is no shortage of mean, ignorant people out there with nothing better to do than to judge others and hand out advice about things they know zip. Thankfully you are one of the strongest young women I know, rising above several serious issues and leading a productive life as a wonderful wife, mom, friend, and talented writer and photographer. Just let it go and remember “what goes around, comes around” . Love you…..my ‘pretend dgtr’. 🙂
Thanks Suzanne! You can’t fix stupid is often a thought in my mind. 🙂
People are so ignorant, and mean, and can be so weird, and in general just be f’ing weird a-holes.
I relish your posts and your ability to write and really capture what is going on.
I was SO happy you decided to have Harper…I wanted to encourage you to have another baby when we were on the phone years ago but held back because I thought I would have been crossing the line. I wanted to tell you because your children are so beautiful, and your love with your husband is so beautiful, and you are so beautiful and your love for each other is such a wonderful thing.
I admire your work, your volunteer work, your homelife…and I am amazed at your drive and energy. I don’t know if I could handle 1 baby and you have 3…plus you DO all of these other things.
I am just shaking my head…I never thought that ‘those’ people kept being ugly. I am so sorry…it shouldn’t happen…you deserve so so much better. My goodness, if they do this to you…can you imagine the damage they inflict on the people closest to them.
Peace and love girl. Just know I think of you with positive energy all the time.
Thank you Heidi. You always have the most supportive and thoughtful messages to share. Thank you! Hope you are doing well!
Wow that is some spewing venom, isn’t it? People are so cruel. You don’t deserve it and I hope you don’t internalize it. You are an amazingly wonderful woman!
Sure is Leigh… years worth from an assortment of damaged people. I try not to internalize it and keep hitting delete. Ugh
*fist pump in air*
Hell ya! You rock!
You are my inspiration! Wonderful friend! That must have felt good!!
Yes. Cathartic experience to vent after all these years!
As a fellow mom with a brain tumor I have to say I love and am inspired by your posts and I’m shocked and saddened anyone would react to your messages like that. Stay strong.
Thanks. I’ve never understood it myself.