I took a few hours today and went for a long, long, long walk. With Harper bundled in her stroller, music playing in my ears and a longing to get out and get away, the two of us fled the grind of the suburban landscape.
Friday can’t come soon enough. The weight of the count down of the remaining days of our life between MRI’s is heavy and the emotional stress has been a challenge to bear.
We walked and walked.
I took stock of the raw beauty of our surroundings. I admired deer across the creek, turtles sunning themselves on logs and squirrels fleeing from the sound of the stroller wheels. A great deal of time was spent looking up and taking in the landscape.
Eventually I arrived back at that emotional place where calm had set in and peace had settled into my soul.
I reminded myself that I don’t get a say in whether the piece of shit in my head has been misbehaving or not. Thumbs up or thumbs down, it is what it is and I’m not in control of this.
A very comforting and calming place to be back in.
It took a few hours walking to rediscover that emotional place, my comfort zone, and remind myself that worrying about what you can’t control is an epic waste of time.
Life is better spent living not worrying.
GREY MATTER LIFE 
Sometimes I almost think that if I *don’t* worry enough about “x”, I will somehow be punished by the..er..Worry Gods? for being cocky or something. <————-CRAAAZAAAAY. Letting go of that false sense of control is so hard, though. I think we should do the following: Instead of worrying, we can come up with some RIDICULOUS ritual that includes doing the "Robot", eating 4 red skittles, doing a shot of Sunny D, 15 jumping jacks, a chest bump and then Gregorian chanting while simultaneously listening to ABBA. It will likely be JUST as effective in producing a result as worrying like crazy. You know…..Not at all. (Plus, we would end up laughing our a*ses off and you would probably end up on the kitchen floor. Again. :)) Any additions to our new, patented, scientifically proven GUARANTEED WAY TO CONTROL THE UNIVERSE! is welcomed. *This is how we are going to make our millions, btw. We can call it the Keener/KJ Method. PS-I'm making you do this before your appointment, btw. Not kidding. I'll do it with you. Maybe I'll "plank" in the MRI room, too. That has been shown to have a 76.5 % increase in not doing a god d*mn thing. 🙂
Hey Jen, I am always so insipred by your thoughts put to paper. I will be thinking of you Friday and sending positive thoughts your way.
Thank you everyone. Your words are very special. Stay tuned!
Thinking of you xoxo
Thanks Jen for your words from your heart. I think that I need to make a bumper sticker out of your words, “Worrying about what you can’t control is an epic waste of time,” and put it on my car AND my forehead. Am thinking about you big time this week. Thank you for sharing your thoughts for as they serve to settle your nerves, they also teach us all about how to live. xo Alex
Thinking of you 🙂 Sabrina
Jen…I am thinking of you and sending you strength! Love you! Sarah
God bless sweet mama girl. Know that many are thinking of you and prayers are going up.