GREY MATTER LIFE

Morning from my front porch

Life has all but consumed me whole lately.  

I run and run and run again until I can’t run anymore. Then I repeat.  

Running is of course a metaphor for (to name a few)… carpool, laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeding constantly hungry and growing boys, nursing a baby, changing diapers, feeding dogs, grocery shopping, homework helping, lunch packing, refereeing arguments, responding to emails on my phone, attending volunteer meetings, running boys to baseball practices, trying to remember what day it is and constantly counting to three. Oh, the number three!  

I’ve learned a few things lately and an assortment of other things come to mind…  

Accounting for the location of three children and three dogs is officially a full-time job and a lot harder than I expected.   

I’ve yet to find balance, rhythm and routine to my days that doesn’t leave me out of breath, feeling beaten and overwhelmed at the end of the day. I am hopeful that a light at the end of this tunnel exists. Soon, please.  

I think I’ve sent thank you notes to everyone, but I’m not entirely sure. I can’t remember where I put all my lists. I’m hoping anyone who has been forgotten embraces the perspective of my friend Kristen who threatened to mail my thank you note back to me if I sent it. I’m hopeful. It’s a recurring theme.  

Facebook has reminded me to wish my friends Happy Birthday over the past two months, but I can’t keep track of that either. I know I’ve missed a lot. I’m sorry.  

I’m pretty sure that every single one of my friends have been better friends to me than I have been to them lately. I hope they’re patient people. Eventually I’ll find my way off the wheel I’m running on. 

I’d really, really LOVE to know how to successfully do all the laundry, get it folded and put away everyday. Or at least every other day. Thanksgiving is next month and I know we’ll need our dining room table for something other than a holding zone for epic piles of sheets, towels and clothes. Ugh.  

It’s likely that I may respond with one of two carpool numbers when asked for my name. Sad but true.  

I’ve written at least a dozen blog posts. They’re all still in my head. Eventually they’ll make it to my keyboard. Patience is a virtue…  

I have yet to feel as if I’m doing more than a few things successfully, but I’m really proud of the three souls, thirty fingers and toes that happen to fall into that category. Laundry and cleaning obviously don’t fall into the category of “Success”.  

I had far too much fun at the dentist last week. I loath the dentist. Clearly I need to socialize more.  

My husband works insane hours and frankly, I simply miss him.  

It’s officially Fall. Absolutely my favorite season and favorite time of year. Mentally I struggle with this since wasn’t yesterday July? I’m confused? 

I may be exhausted and I may be overwhelmed and struggling most days to keep it all together, but I love our life.  

I love how utterly upside down and insane my days are. I love how at the end of the day when I feel as if I’ve done 10 rounds and struggle to find bootstraps to pull myself up with, struggle to find some semblance of energy and the house is quiet, dogs are at my feet snoring and three souls and all thirty fingers and toes are sleeping; I feel a little excited at the potential of what tomorrow may bring.  

The sunrise of tomorrow brings potential. Everyday begins with potential. Lately, potential is found in the form of days filled with chaos and complete unbalance that will, once counted and closed, bring me one day closer to finding some semblance of balance, rhythm and routine.  

I can dream and I can hope and if all else fails, at least I don’t really remember what it was like before I started counting to three.