GREY MATTER LIFE

Prayers at Ten

Homemade hamburger buns, organic beef burgers hot off the grill, a heaping bowl of fruit and sides of milk; it was an ordinary Tuesday night dinner. Maybe it’s our new farm table. Maybe it’s how we’ve conceived a new evening routine, eating later and accommodating Paul’s long days. Whatever it is, it’s working. We are more spiritual … Continue reading »

Finding Their Voice

It’s been a long break from writing. When my own mother wants to know why I haven’t written, you know it’s been a long time. Frankly, I haven’t quite known where to start and how to begin. Life has been chaotic, tumultuous and riddled with ups and downs since my last post in January. Yet, … Continue reading »

Weighted Blanket of Motherhood

In the early hours of the morning, I wake with an overwhelming weight upon me. Aside from the 80 pound lab that snuck into bed and is found sleeping on my legs, it’s the weight of motherhood and parenting that blankets and envelops me. A seasoned veteran by now with three children, I’ve got years of experience … Continue reading »

Resolve

May the New Year bring you more of what you need and leave you grateful for what you have. Life is complicated, chaotic and overflowing with an abundance of greatness and grit. I begin another year with the same resolution as years past. To remain resolute in our resolve to live life to its fullest, … Continue reading »

Calling All Elves: Get Off Pinterest and Gather ‘Round!

Billy here, Elf on the Shelf. I hijacked the hot mess’s computer because I just can’t take it anymore. So put your glue guns down, shut down your frantic Pinterest searching and gather round. I’m just going to come right out with it… What exactly are you all doing? Have you forgotten what we are? … Continue reading »

The Gratitude Project

It’s amazing what happens when you sit in carpool. What began as a simple idea to commit once again to a daily photo challenge, has grown into much, much more. As I sat in my car Friday afternoon, Harper fussy and fidgety in her car seat, I stared up at the contrast between the changing … Continue reading »

Clean, Clear & Stable

Good news today… The Piece of Shit has been behaving itself since we last gave it a look. We are so pleased that it is being so cooperative. My MRI this morning revealed two very important things. One… there has been no tumor growth. Two… my brain is still in there. Whew! What a relief. … Continue reading »

Reflecting On Our Reality

Please… Don’t tell us not to worry and don’t tell us it will be fine. Don’t tell us “you just know it will be ok” and don’t tell us not to stress out. Please don’t confuse our anxiety right now with desperation. Our anxiety appreciates your support over your pity. We’ve been down this road, running this fucking MRI marathon, for … Continue reading »

Measure of Marriage

For the joy and for the pain… For the laughter and the tears… For the celebrations and the disappointments… For the wins and the losses… For the joy and the sorrow… For the fights and the forgiveness… For the challenges and perspective… For the resolve and the respect… For the patience… For the loyalty and … Continue reading »

The Smallest Gifts

Most moments in life end up being remembered and defined by the smallest gestures, moments and things. 18 years ago, in a hospital in Lafayette, Indiana, I awoke in a post surgical recovery room disoriented, confused, scared and alone. What had been scheduled as a minor out-patient procedure turned into a four-day hospital stay after a … Continue reading »

We Forge Ahead

I made it through to the other side of August and we welcome with open arms September. With a promise of cooler temperatures, college football and baseball for the boys, September could not have arrived sooner. The emotional roller coaster continues and we continue along for the ride. Harper is now a “failure to thrive” … Continue reading »

August

A month of anniversaries, life altering events and haunting memories. While the physical and emotional wounds have long ago healed over, they’ve left behind jagged, deep scars. The increasingly hefty serving of gratitude, humility, perspective and mortality gets harder to swallow each year. A month where the weight of our reality is simply difficult to … Continue reading »

Skull For My Skull

I resisted and I ignored. Aside from the label on the back of my license with my diagnosis, doctor’s name, contact info and Paul’s cell, I couldn’t bring myself to bend further and fully embrace the reality of how my life had changed. I knew the risks and I knew I was stupid. I know … Continue reading »