Reminders of Reality

Reminders of Reality

It was a great pace. A fucking awesome pace… I was hauling ass. Paul and I had set out for a run with Harper in the Jogger this afternoon and I took off and didn’t stop to look back. No music. I never run with no music. Only my thoughts and a distinct, almost painful … Continue reading

Forty for Forty

Forty for Forty

A monumental event is approaching in our lives, and for so many reasons, it’s hard to believe it’s looming on the horizon. Seven years ago today, a day remarkably similar to today with clear blue skies, heat and humidity, I became a patient. I was 32. At 32 I quietly and privately resolved, against the … Continue reading

But Now…

But Now…

With elementary school in the rear view mirror and middle school on the horizon in August, I am struck by the journey we’ve had. We started elementary school together, like I’d imagine most families do; navigating bus schedules, school activities, classroom supply lists, hoping friends would be made and that Tucker would have a zest … Continue reading

Open Letter To The Trolls

Open Letter To The Trolls

You, yes you. You are a troll in Europe, Asia, South America, across the world, in my own country and miles from my front door. I’m addressing you; however I am doubtful you are listening. It was never a conversation you were looking to have. You never intended to have a rational dialogue. With fingers … Continue reading

The Lost Message

The Lost Message

This journey is hell. I will not portent to speak for all cancer patients. I can only speak for myself. I do not need your sympathy. I would appreciate your compassion. With that said… Sure, go ahead… Post a random post on FB that makes your friends wonder. Change your profile picture, buy a pink … Continue reading

Let Me Introduce You To What Remains

Let Me Introduce You To What Remains

8 years, nearly to date, to when we first learned about the Piece of Shit, life today bears little resemblance to what we knew. Virtually everything has changed as has how others perceive and define us. There has been change. Heaping spoonfuls for the better and a pinch of change for the worse. We’ve shuffled, … Continue reading

This is…

This is…

  39 two days in the same pajamas a napping, sick, two-year old an only child no shower yet (again) six days before Christmas life a mother of three children tired a history major laughter a brain tumor patient honest a self-portrait transparent a wife & partner grateful contemplating dinner tonight reflective a friend no … Continue reading

Leap of Faith

Leap of Faith

I had an MRI Tuesday; a routine, scheduled three-month magical magnetic adventure that’s become a routine event in our lives while simultaneously challenging our emotional and mental stability at every turn. It isn’t easy for anyone and it’s become apparent how challenging it is for the kiddos. They are getting older and have become more … Continue reading

Sizing Up

Sizing Up

I walked in for my noon appointment in jeans I’d thrown on at 6:30am and a tank top and light pullover sweatshirt I slept in the night before. A mom version of the walk of shame except now it is around town and not across campus carrying shoes. She only had 4 of the 8 … Continue reading

Three Words

Three Words

It matters to me that you look at my chart before you walk into the room. I appreciate that you use my name and look me in the eyes. You remember my sense of humor, how many children I have and that I am a writer. I’m a frequent flier MRI patient and you know … Continue reading

Disconnected

Disconnected

I will be honest here. It’s what I have committed to do in my writing and it’s been honesty that has somehow always served to heal. This is a lonely journey and it has been lonely for the past six years. The brain tumor, the piece of shit, the cancer, and the disease… all of … Continue reading

Prayers at Ten

Prayers at Ten

Homemade hamburger buns, organic beef burgers hot off the grill, a heaping bowl of fruit and sides of milk; it was an ordinary Tuesday night dinner. Maybe it’s our new farm table. Maybe it’s how we’ve conceived a new evening routine, eating later and accommodating Paul’s long days. Whatever it is, it’s working. We are more spiritual … Continue reading