GREY MATTER LIFE

I could feel it coming on; the physical reckoning and the acute awareness that I really couldn’t take much more. The good days between Chemotherapy cycles were diminishing and the ability to maintain energy for consecutive days was proving to be difficult. Nausea and vomiting was increasingly difficult to control and eventually only managed with … Continue reading →

We made it to September 14. It’s officially one year since my second craniotomy and we began a new chapter with the Piece of Shit Cancer. Cheers to us.  The past year can be summed up easily into two categories which are simultaneously amusing and pathetic. Everything that happened. What I actually remember. I’m tired … Continue reading →

Well folks, I made it through 30 proton radiation treatments and 30 oral chemotherapy days (12 shy of the 42 because my platelets dropped too low). Treatment was was hard and far more brutal on my body and my mind that I let on or showed. There is only so much you control with Cancer … Continue reading →

Everything changes with a cancer diagnosis. Everything. In the fight to survive you submit to a new life with days spent bouncing between specialists, oncologists, labs and embracing the intimate relationship you’ve formed with your local pharmacist. You follow protocols, treatment plans, medication regimes and do your best to accept the small and enormous life … Continue reading →

The missed call had come into Paul’s phone around 6pm last night. He walked into the kitchen that had begun to fill with friends, holding his phone with fear and shock all over his face. “A Dr. Baskin, Medical Director at Aetna, left a voicemail and wants to talk with you.” Silence and shock blanketed … Continue reading →

When we were babies, we said I do in a small historic chapel in front of 98 close family and friends. It was 10.16.1999. We only conceptually understood the depth of the vows we were to take and at 25 and 26 life was simple, fun and we were in love. We had barely experienced … Continue reading →

It’s been about a week since I last updated. So let me take a moment and fill you in on what we and I’ve been up to. Overall, sleeping is my primary job and I am really good at it. Essentially, I’m a 44 year old infant.  SUNDAY: We had friends over, watched football, ate some … Continue reading →

I woke up this morning at 4:45am when Tucker closed our bedroom door to make his breakfast. Our Master bedroom is off the main living area/kitchen and it an be loud. While it was Saturday morning, he had a 5:30 bus to meet for a XC meet and a ride picking him up just after … Continue reading →

I was offered an opportunity early this week to address the players and coaches at the Chattahoochee HS Varsity football pre-game dinner. What ordinarily would have been an easy task; gather my thoughts and constrct a speech, proved to be very challenging. While it was not difficult to shape a story line and remarks that … Continue reading →

As I walked into the operating room at Mt. Sinai two weeks ago I politely deferred musical choices on Pandora to the collective preferences of those in the room. I climbed up onto the OR table and got strapped down as the anesthesiologist began the first IV in my left hand and administered a dose … Continue reading →

I have not had a huge appetite in the past few weeks.. vastly different from ten years ago, but nevertheless, I am the sure the level of stress has contributed to my significantly diminished desire to eat.  However, I do love food and I love even more the magic that happens in your kitchen and … Continue reading →

Paul and I kicked the kids out of the kitchen last night and shuffled them upstairs so we could spend time on speakerphone with Costas talking pathology and plans. The entirety of pathology, genetics, MGMT and other markers are still about another week to 10 days out. What we do know is promising. The piece … Continue reading →