GREY MATTER LIFE

Whoever decided to re-merchandise the Pharmacy area at my grocery store should have probably been in line with me on Friday to see where they may have possibly gone astray.

Waiting to pick up a prescription with too many other people in line, my boys goofing around next to me, I counted the minutes until my sitter arrived and watched the tops of the heads of the Pharmacists working. Eventually my eyes drifted down to the shelves below them and right in front of me and my heart sank.

It only took about a half a second to 1. realize none of this was here last time I stood in line, and 2. I knew it was only a matter of time before one of my two curious cats discovered the cornucopia of products.

I stood silently contemplating my next move and all the possible questions and all the possible responses. I knew it would happen.

It did happen. It happened about 10.2 seconds after I’d spotted it all. Up walked Cooper, in a bee line straight toward it all right at his eye level. It was inevitable, I knew.

I slowly closed my eyes as I could feel the palpable intake of air from the people standing in line with me. I could feel all the eyes on me and everyone’s ears open as wide as satellite dishes.

I swallowed my words and simply waited to see what happened.

Hey look Tucker! Look at these funny people on these colored boxes! Come and see! Lot’s of colors and hey… Look at all the soaps.

I said nothing and tried not to choke as I desperately held back my laughter and tears ran out the corners of my eyes. I didn’t dare look to my right or left, but I could feel that they were doing the same.

As soon as he found the funny people on the boxes and the soaps, he was off in another direction to debate football scores with his brother.

I finally exhaled and let out a laugh, wiped my eyes and looked around. Everyone else was laughing too. The lady next to me thanked me and said it was the funniest thing she’d seen all week and as she stood next to her teenage son, told me I’d handled it great. “Thanks, it’s always something isn’t it?” I replied with a smile.

Thankfully no questions were thrown my way. Right or wrong, I might just have had to explain to a 5-year-old, in the middle of Publix in front of 9 strangers, that the condoms were silly bands for adults and that yes, he was right, the bottles of astroglide and varieties of KY were soap.  

Sigh…