GREY MATTER LIFE

The Magical Magnetic Adventure, no. 12 has been booked.

Definitely not a trip to Disney, but with an IV cocktail for claustrophobia it’s certainly a trip somewhere.

1pm on 11.11.10, the tour begins. As a bonus, the tour, free of charge, includes a blow-by-blow blog post of any misadventures once I sober up. For your reading entertainment, previous magical magnetic misadventure tales can be found here and here.

Lots of ones in 11.11.10… hopefully it’s a sign I’ll have a superstar, A#1, clean brain scan. By clean, I mean no new piece of shit tumor growth and I’m not told my brain vanished like my voter records!

We live life between MRI’s. These MRI’s determine everything for us now. If that doesn’t sum it up real snappy and clear, I’m not sure what could sum it up better.

We hold our breath. Our lives stand still while the world keeps spinning and everyone elses lives play out around us. In the days leading up (these days now), we avoid discussing the elephant in the room. We avoid discussing the what-ifs and begin to contemplate potentially grieving the loss of our well established normal life.

We walk on pins and needles and try to keep busy. We like our normal. Granted, most would think it’s riddled with bullet holes but we think it’s a damn beautiful normal.

The idea of establishing a new normal within the realm of no longer being stable is real. It’s an event I’d like to believe we’re mentally prepared for, but I’m not ashamed to say it’s a moment I dread considering every time this time comes around.

As weeks have stretched into months and now into years, I often find myself wondering where on the odds spectrum I fall. What does all this time mean? With each clean scan and each month and year that passes, I wonder. I wonder if I’m getting closer to the statistical inevitable that the tumor will re-grow and I’ll surrender my reign of stability. I wonder, but don’t dwell. It’s all a part of our reality and our normal.

The day will come. The day when the news isn’t what we want to hear. When that’ll be is not for me to know, but we’re always prepared for the possibility that this may be the time there is a change.

We continue to remain cautiously optimistic and steadfastly grounded in reality with our sense of humor firmly in check and as best we can, we remain prepared.

Nothing can shock me at this point. Good or bad, it is what it is and our magical magnetic adventures journey on, as do we.

Stay tuned…