GREY MATTER LIFE

I had the first of what I fear will be many emails about my boys and spontaneous naughtiness over the next decade or so.

It was an email from Tucker’s teacher giving me fair warning about why he’d lost a jewel at recess. Starting each day with four, they can lose them for various infractions and naughtiness. A tally of three or four is a good day and most of his days are fours. He is a good kid, really.  

I feared what he’d done. Advance notice about the loss of one jewel had never happened and it rang my bell. My bell rang for good reason. Turns out my little wordsmith called someone on the playground a

BIG FAT ASS

Really?

He only lost one jewel?

Renegade potty mouth would be jewel free if it was up to me.

I was mortified and hoped he wasn’t telling his friends I had a Big Fat Ass! Hell to pay my child!

Paul, who was out-of-town, responded with….

I don’t think I say that. Yikes…

After processing my disappointment, I had immediate and immeasurable fear of WHO he had called a Big Fat Ass! Please God, PLEASE tell me it was not a teacher!

Deep breath… it was a student and he wasn’t talking about my Ass. 

Discussions were had, punishments were handed down, apology letters were written and hugs were given for taking responsibility. In the end he never knew what it meant in the first place. So I now have a first grader who learned that Ass is not only a naughty word for your rear end but also a synonym for Donkey.

Here’s hoping he doesn’t blurt out

Look Mom… An Ass!

at our next visit to the Zoo.