The Inbox

I had the first of what I fear will be many emails about my boys and spontaneous naughtiness over the next decade or so.

It was an email from Tucker’s teacher giving me fair warning about why he’d lost a jewel at recess. Starting each day with four, they can lose them for various infractions and naughtiness. A tally of three or four is a good day and most of his days are fours. He is a good kid, really.  

I feared what he’d done. Advance notice about the loss of one jewel had never happened and it rang my bell. My bell rang for good reason. Turns out my little wordsmith called someone on the playground a



He only lost one jewel?

Renegade potty mouth would be jewel free if it was up to me.

I was mortified and hoped he wasn’t telling his friends I had a Big Fat Ass! Hell to pay my child!

Paul, who was out-of-town, responded with….

I don’t think I say that. Yikes…

After processing my disappointment, I had immediate and immeasurable fear of WHO he had called a Big Fat Ass! Please God, PLEASE tell me it was not a teacher!

Deep breath… it was a student and he wasn’t talking about my Ass. 

Discussions were had, punishments were handed down, apology letters were written and hugs were given for taking responsibility. In the end he never knew what it meant in the first place. So I now have a first grader who learned that Ass is not only a naughty word for your rear end but also a synonym for Donkey.

Here’s hoping he doesn’t blurt out

Look Mom… An Ass!

at our next visit to the Zoo.

2 thoughts on “The Inbox

  1. Too too funny. There must have been something in the air yesterday for we had our own A-word day. At dinner, Tyler said to Wilson (age 4) “Wilson, say “astronaut” really really slowly.

    Wilson: “Ass…tro…not”

    Tyler: “Mom! Dad! Wilson said a bad word! Wilson said Astro! Wilson said Astro! Wilson said a bad word!”

    Needless to say, Bruce and I couldn’t immediately reply as we were totally laughing our ASTROS off!

    Bruce and I will probably now use the word Astro this way for the rest of our lives. 🙂

  2. Too funny! I LOVE how you write about this! 🙂 Don’t worry…for some crazy reason Laney (4 yrs.) called our dog “asshole dog” for a while. The dog is Jon’s baby; therefore, the big flashing lights led to me! Crap! 🙂

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