Expressing what I’m thinking and the experiences we are going through as our lives have been transformed has become an integral part of who we are as we move through this experience. Writing has become a healing process and an expression of what we are feeling in the moment. It is often something that I or we have been thinking and talking a lot about. It is real, it is honest, and it is raw.
I have been challenged to think about if what I write is pushing limits and possibly a poor example for my children. I don’t believe it is. My honest expression in my writing may not be what and how other people may express themselves, but it’s real. There is however, a distinct difference between how I feel about an experience and how I behave. I may think it in the moment, but I know better than to say it. Will I share the issues, experiences (positive and negative) and how I felt through all of it in writing? Yes. Could I censor myself and edit my thought process so that it read and smelled more like roses? Of course. But let’s set language aside for a moment and get to the point.
I am sharing my feelings and my emotions about a very raw and horrible time in our lives. We never expected that this would become our lives and we would be forced to live it. This was not supposed to be our problem. With all of this has come the blessings of compassion, friendship and support from many and sadly the hurt, insensitivity and indifference from some around us. Pretending to be feeling something I am not, we are not and this experience is not, isn’t a lesson I want to teach my children.
I have been told over and over that I write things that give people pause and they appreciate that I am willing to candidly write about experiences that others are too afraid to acknowledge. Do I pause sometimes when I am writing and think it could be pushing someone’s limit of appropriateness? Sure. But I then pause to acknowledge that it’s really how I felt and it would be disingenuous to not write it. When our children are old enough to understand what we are going through and mature enough to read my writing, I believe that they’ll see we were respectful in our interactions with people even in the face of ignorance and insensitivity, and that they’ll respect our courage to share how these experiences shaped out family and made us feel.