I am losing my patience for how long my recovery is taking. Making great strides and doing well considering the whole experience. Progress is clear and I do see the light at the end of the road since I am getting rather fiesty, but so frustrated when I hit the wall in the afternoon and must sleep and of course that is when the kids are getting home and fiesty themselves.
I crave normal, although that is just a setting on the dryer and really doesn’t exist, although dreaming is allowed.
The enormity of my diagnosis has made its arrival. The impact is permanent and acceptance is a hard big pill to swallow. My life, Paul’s life and our children’s lives have been completely altered and we have been forced to create our own path with so many unknowns except that we know there are no exits on our journey. I feel guilty that I have something that has changed Paul’s life without his permission and will impact our children when no one asked them what they wanted. Yes, we are optimistic and yes, I do feel that we are blessed to have discovered this early enough to alter our course in life and take advantage of the road less traveled, but right now, I am just plain pissed off.
In the market turmoil and uncertainty of virtually everything in our lives from Jobs to the supply of gas here in ATL, I know that if we get through this and find some balance, everything else is gravy and it will all fall into place. I am maintaining perspective, but being pissed off is just going to have to be ok for right now.