Summing Up A Year

2010 has been a year of tumultuous change for our family and yet, in the end, it’s been a year filled with immeasurable rewards.  

We’ve carved out one hell of a road this year and I’d do it again. While we’ve followed the path least traveled, in the end, we’re closing 2010 with a stronger sense of stability and hope than we started with.   

Fear, loneliness, melancholy, exhaustion and each and every challenge presented through the year met their match ten fold.

We opened our hearts and our home to the joy and reward of reconnecting with old friends. We found peace and calm in the overwhelming healing power of laughter and continue to do so.

We continue to feel child-like glee as we celebrated through the year my continued stability and no, you piece of shit… you’ll never get the best of me!

Our appreciation for simple things and living a less complicated life continues.

We’re grateful for outstanding friends and family and for all those who stand with us and not behind us. We’re grateful for each and every kind word, thoughtful email, letter, message, smile and hug.

We’ve come to cherish the magic of what’s common for most, but not for us with Paul gone 75% of the time. We cherish what we took for granted; the magic of what happens around a table when we share a meal as a family. We have much to appreciate, much to be grateful for and much to look forward to.  

I am ending 2010 with a great sense of hope and contentment.  

Admittedly, I’m at that place where I finally feel like I’m entitled to move on. I’m allowing myself to move away from that place where my brain tumor resides in the forefront and has an unbalanced weight in my decisions. It’s taken two years to get here, but I and we are here.  

I’m at that place where the scales of emotions coexisting with my brain tumor are at balance. We’re together, as a family, moving on. The piece of shit will always be with us and always be a part of our lives. We’ll always be fighting it and always be fearing it. However, we’re moving on living our lives and doing so without placing the piece of shit first in our minds. Decisions no longer surround “it” and “it” no longer influences how we should feel or what we should do.

We are moving forward in equilibrium.   

It took some time, but we finally feel free to live the life we had always planned to live. Regret is an ugly word and we much prefer the beauty and potential that defines the word hope.  

As we settle into the remaining days of 2010, we’re grateful, we’re happy and we’re hopeful. The rocky, less traveled roads with the unrelenting paths that push your limits, challenge you to redefine your priorities, refocus your lens and ultimately, with grace, provide resolve and harmony should not be feared.  These roads should be embraced and I am grateful we did. 

Onward to 2011 we go. Look out.

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11 thoughts on “Summing Up A Year

  1. I am not ending the year with quite the same feeling due to my tumor throwing a HUGE kink in my lifestyle and just about everything else, yet, I have a good feeling about next year 🙂

    I hope you had a great Christmas. I read about the snow and was happy I wasn’t flying through Atlanta this year like I have in past years when I flew home from Chile.

    • Sara,
      I can appreciate your feelings and please know it has taken about two years to feel this way, so hang in there. We had a wonderful Christmas and I hope you did has well. Happy New Year!

  2. Thank you for always helping me to put my life into perspective through your amazing words. I am so happy to hear where you are all at with your life….you guys deserve only good things in 2011!!! Merry Christmas Jen! xoxo

  3. Great post sweetheart! When Edwin’s mom was dx. with ovarian cancer this May, we had already lost 2 family members to cancer this year. I put down the phone in tears and said enough! What am I waiting for? Life can get in the way, but we cannot put our dreams on hold. Each day is a gift as you know so well. I booked my Big Sur half race that day and ran it in November. Book your dreams honey. Make it happen. XO and a big hug.

  4. You are a woman of great strength, talent, humor and empathy. You inspire countless others. You inspire me. Regret is a draining bedfellow. Good bye regret hello more joy, peace, hope and love for you and your family. Merry Christmas Jenn.

  5. May God’s blessings continue to rain down all around you Jen. YOU and your writings give ME strength.

    Merry Merry Christmas.

    Peace and Love.

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