GREY MATTER LIFE

2010 has been a year of tumultuous change for our family and yet, in the end, it’s been a year filled with immeasurable rewards.  

We’ve carved out one hell of a road this year and I’d do it again. While we’ve followed the path least traveled, in the end, we’re closing 2010 with a stronger sense of stability and hope than we started with.   

Fear, loneliness, melancholy, exhaustion and each and every challenge presented through the year met their match ten fold.

We opened our hearts and our home to the joy and reward of reconnecting with old friends. We found peace and calm in the overwhelming healing power of laughter and continue to do so.

We continue to feel child-like glee as we celebrated through the year my continued stability and no, you piece of shit… you’ll never get the best of me!

Our appreciation for simple things and living a less complicated life continues.

We’re grateful for outstanding friends and family and for all those who stand with us and not behind us. We’re grateful for each and every kind word, thoughtful email, letter, message, smile and hug.

We’ve come to cherish the magic of what’s common for most, but not for us with Paul gone 75% of the time. We cherish what we took for granted; the magic of what happens around a table when we share a meal as a family. We have much to appreciate, much to be grateful for and much to look forward to.  

I am ending 2010 with a great sense of hope and contentment.  

Admittedly, I’m at that place where I finally feel like I’m entitled to move on. I’m allowing myself to move away from that place where my brain tumor resides in the forefront and has an unbalanced weight in my decisions. It’s taken two years to get here, but I and we are here.  

I’m at that place where the scales of emotions coexisting with my brain tumor are at balance. We’re together, as a family, moving on. The piece of shit will always be with us and always be a part of our lives. We’ll always be fighting it and always be fearing it. However, we’re moving on living our lives and doing so without placing the piece of shit first in our minds. Decisions no longer surround “it” and “it” no longer influences how we should feel or what we should do.

We are moving forward in equilibrium.   

It took some time, but we finally feel free to live the life we had always planned to live. Regret is an ugly word and we much prefer the beauty and potential that defines the word hope.  

As we settle into the remaining days of 2010, we’re grateful, we’re happy and we’re hopeful. The rocky, less traveled roads with the unrelenting paths that push your limits, challenge you to redefine your priorities, refocus your lens and ultimately, with grace, provide resolve and harmony should not be feared.  These roads should be embraced and I am grateful we did. 

Onward to 2011 we go. Look out.