Ugh

 

I’m dreading my MRI tomorrow.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this process is like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun.

I’ve managed to survive 11 empty chambers and now I’ll wait tomorrow to see if the 12th chamber will serve up a blank or a bullet. Thank God for sedation and the lingering after effects that keep me from a mental breakdown while I wait to hear the results.

This process never gets easier, just more familiar.  Damn you, you Piece of Shit Brain Tumor… I. Hate. You. The stakes are too high and our stress is immeasurable. My jaw aches from clinching my teeth, I’m sleep deprived and both mentally and physically exhausted.

 I loath this process.

Thanks to each of you who’ve taken a moment in the past week to let me know you’re thinking of me. Thank you.

Thank you for the cards, voice mails, emails, encouraging words, thoughtful gifts, hugs, prayers and smiles. Thank you for your kindness and support. You all deserve a more eloquent thank you than this and I hope you know how much I appreciate you all.

I’m getting ready. I’m mustering up some courage, digging deep to find my strength and preparing to pick myself up tomorrow, hold my head high, take a deep breath and face my fears.  Let the magical magnetic adventure begin and see what we find.    

 

Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway.  ~John Wayne

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31 thoughts on “Ugh

  1. Ok…you’re one of the few I know that can make a hospital gown look pretty! Hope you’re home and enjoying the after affects of your cocktail!

  2. Jen:

    As always, our thoughts and prayers will be with you on your own Veteran’s Day “D-Day!” We do optomistically look forward to hearing about your spectacular victory celebration with Paul and the boys. Do keep in touch with your news. We are hoping to manage time for a brief visit with you prior to Christmas. (Let the good vibes flow from us to you!)

    We Four Ham’s

  3. Love the John Wayne quote…you should have no problem “saddling up”…you’ve definately proved that you are courageous! Lots of prayers coming your way, tomorrow and always!

  4. Love the John Wayne quote because you are a kick ass cowgirl! If you have some boots, I’d say wear them! Sending you vibes of strength & support.
    xo
    Alex Bacon

  5. Just wanted to let you know I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow and looking forward to seeing wonderful news being posted very soon.

    Such a scary, stressful thing to go through…you handle it with such grace and humor. Let me know if I can do anything for you.

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